Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
