I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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