I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
