Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
