you guys were way drunker than both of me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
