hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
