Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
