My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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