I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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