My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm too high and old for this...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize