I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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