fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
