Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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