I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
