evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
