I wish I could punch you in the face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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