I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
