Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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