I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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