i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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