How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she looked like the before picture.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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