My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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