If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
