Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
