My room smells like vodka and shame
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
