if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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