I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize