did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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