Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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