Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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