What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
