Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
