Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
