I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
