this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
