my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
