well I can't set my house on fire every night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
