Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
