Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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