One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My balls are so social today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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