ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
