i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
