none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
