I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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