ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
