this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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