You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
