She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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