Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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