Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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