I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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