her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
