he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
