thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
