we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
