I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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