hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
