I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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