best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
