how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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