i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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