Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
