I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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