I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
