we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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