i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
