That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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