one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
