operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
