really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
