is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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