I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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