mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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